ok, i really hope no one sees this

i dont know what love is and i reallllyyy doubt that's what this is, but whatever this is i hate it. if this is a crush, love must be a BITCH. whenever he just talks to a different girl, one he's said is nice or 'fit' or whatever, i get jealous, FTW. he talks to me enough, yet i still want more. i wanna say i dont want him to talk to other girls without sounding like a complete bitch, but i can't. but.. its true:/ and that's the thing that pisses me off so much. he's nothing special, he's retarded, stupid but hes also kind, sweet, hilarious... tbvvvvvvh i wish i'd never met him. there's no one i know who would make me feel like this. i cant work out what it is about him that makes me feel like this about him. i love his voice, and his eyes, and his hands, and the way he looks in serious situations, and how he acts when he really wants to know something. urhh! ffs! out of alllll boys to choose i had to choose the one who lives aggesss awayyy, and right next to another girl who he's really close too. today has been so annoying! facebook+frapes+annoying conversations=:@&:(! i didnt think you should be crying about boys at my age. im preeeetty sure boys dont feel this way about girls. none of my friends feel this way about any other boyss.. (as far as i'm aware of). urh! i just wanna know why i like him so much; why i get annoyed when the teacher tells us to go in tables and im laast at the end of day, just in case i dont see him; why i look for him in the corridors; why he's the first person i see when im walking into school; why he can so easily put a smile on my face; why he's the one i think about before i go to sleep; why he's the reason of this blog. i just wanna know how to make him like me. yeh, there's plenty of fish in the water, but he's my nemo. my fricking nemo. i know he won't be the one who i say i do to, but atm he's the one. i wish there was a way i could stop liking him. :@!

for actual fuck sake.

what about me? its bad enough you being like that, dont make her like that as welll. hn ikas;grhilahgri URG

hbwiapn ;

so, i havent said anything in a while, cos i havent actually seen him. but now schools started again, and i have. and its not like he ignores me, it's just, he talks to her a LOT more. and fgavni ip;. and.. her? he doesnt even know her! :?:?gsjea 'o

in three words?

ihatethatilove you

but i dont want you to make it obvious that you like her. :
what does she have that i donttt?:/ i can think of a lot of bad things, but not many good things, i reeeally dont see what you see in herr:/ and its crushing me inside.

URGURGUURUGRUGAB K VGR
i dont wannw know if he fancies someone else. im ok going through it, i dont want to go out with him, that doesnt mean i wouldnt like it if he likedliked mee... if he likeslikes someone eelllse, thats cooool, BUT I DONT WANNA KNOW. :@ whats so special about that girl? or whats so wrong about me?:(

she knows how much i fuckin like him. SHE'S MY SISTER FFS. they were all my best friends:( not hers! at least he doesnt seem to like her as much. but still. :@ and she flirts with them all too! THAT'S HARSH:@

##xx'&*$@#^

if only i wasnt like that...

basically, i need to write how i feel, cos theres no other way that i can get it out and be satsified with myself:@,

IF YOU ONLY KNEW, THAT I THINK ABOUT YOU, IN A KIND OF SECRET WAY.
ive liked you for so damn long but im still stood at where i started. ive tried to move on, but it seems impossible. you've got your downs. but you've also got your ups. and i friggin lvoe them. if you felt the same way as me, id feel undescribable. it would be dream come true. but no. you like other people. but why did i have to find out? i would of preferred it so much more if we all carried on without me finding out that you like someone else. i was ok with that. not knowing you didn't or did like me, but also not knowing you didnt like anyone else. and its only me who knows taht you like her - its everyone. and now im at a dead end. cos theres no where else to go from here. its always been her.